Always by your side.

Words. Maybe they're all I have left. Words. Maybe every syllable uttered is a piece of me - sworn to be infinitely and most simply, me. Words. All the maybes in the world may not be enough to sum it up; that sometimes even words can't explain me. And I am pained for I am at lost for words. Still, I will try. 

My heart is cold; I don't feel your absence. I don't shudder nor do I wince at maybe losing you forever. I don't sit on the bathroom floor - it's cold tiles slowly warmed beneath my skin and the flowing hot water - to weep like I have so many times before. I don't confess as I do now in public; as nude as dead land. 

I don't have to. For once, memories suffice. The glass isn't half empty. For once, in a very long time. And I could say this surely - our bonds are everlasting. 

So I don't miss you nor do I long to be with you. Because when I am finally with you - it will be as though you had never left my side. 

You see me.

I can't deny the torments I face

I'd paint on that facade of mine anyway

A little thorn along the way I'd walk off

A little too late to hope for anything more 

Deny me that ability, that's what you do

The scars I've locked away inside me

I swore they'd never be skin deep

Yet again, you see. You see with enlightened eyes. 

And I cherish you. 

Trickle

When you're down.

They always bring us down. They watch and scrutinize and when they eye your weakness, you’re a dead man. They.

I.  I’d wish that was the case. ‘Cause somehow, I’ve built a replica of “them” inside me. An inbuilt enemy that watches in scrutiny and when it eyes my weakness, I’m on the ground. I think I’ve been here for a long time. I don’t know.  The tunnel is long and dark and it feels like I haven’t moved an inch. I thought that I may have moved on, further perhaps outrunning this inbuilt predator. But who am I kidding? 

Every time. That same dark tunnel. That same stone cold floor. That same feeling of being numb and stationary. 

Dusty poetry

A cloud blocked the sun from view
Hiding my path in its shadows
I swore I'd never fall for your
Schemes but somehow I fell deeper instead
In my deepest trenches I laid
Still on my back as you towered over me
And in that deep trench I found
a side of you I'd failed to see

Baby, you are a curse upon my soul
I swear I saw the devil stir in your wake
Honey, stop your scheming and revolting plans
Just thrust the dagger into my chest

All I Need

The notes play quietly at the epicentre of this room, passing with Dolce through the melody line. It's disputed mass building warmth in me as I close my eyes in ecstasy. The music paints a vivid picture of stars dotting the black sky. My breath slows down and at once I am home.  

The room I live in is empty. I don't feel the cold shudders at it's wake. They may whisper, they may shout and I may doubt at an instant. But never will I kneel again. I stand my ground and I say I don't need. When the time comes, so shall he. For now, I'll close my eyes once more. And the love in music is all I need.